Monday, May 21, 2012

A Manly Father's Day

"Oh boy! another handmade card/tie/stepping stone!!!" will not be the words uttered out of MY Man's mouth this year.  If you don't want to file yet another craft away for Dad, I suggest you read the following:

The Family That Plays Together 
Brings You :
 The Ultimate Guide to 
A Manly Father's Day

This is not my husband.  This is Alex, he won the Art of Manliness Contest

Totally Manly Suggestion #1: 
A Play Date

Get together with your girlfriend wives and get rid of send the boys off:

Arrange for them to go camping 
Sometimes a man needs to go into the woods and build a fire, and sit around it, and stare.  He needs plenty of wood to add to the fire so that it lasts the entire trip, so make sure to send him with a large and unreasonable ax/saw/chainsaw, whatever his fancy.  He needs another man around him so they can sit there and not speak to each other.  He needs to get the not-speaking out of his system.

Arrange for him to go hunting or fishing
Sometimes a man just needs to kill something.   Killing that spider last month, unless it was a tarantula, just didn't cut it.  And unless you were fortunate enough to have a large poisonous snake or a wild hog come into your yard, his protection instincts have not been honed properly.

Ball Games
Sometimes a man needs to sit on the sidelines and yell at other men, and tell those other men how much they suck at life.

Some times a man needs to hit something other than the trashcan on the curb, with the car.

Because there is are only a limited amount of times you can watch your husband get completely annihilated at a Jimmy Buffett concert with his friends.  Make sure to get him a taxi and a hotel.  You don't want to smell him after that mess.

If he doesn't have any friends living near by and you are SUPER cool to be around, go with himUse great discretion in that decision.  Most Mom's super cool radars are pretty far off since they birthed children.  Not yours of course, but most others.

Maybe you can't arrange for any of the above. Maybe you just tell him "Hey, I'm going take the kids to grandma's/shopping/cross country.  I went ahead and called in a timed delivery meat pizza, hot wings, and a bucket of chicken, all dark meat.  Cold beer is already on ice. Oh, and I don't mind if you build a hobo fire in the back yard.  And make sure to play music, that only you like, really loud so that the neighbors will think we are rednecks".

Totally Manly Suggestion #2: 
Manly Gifts

Oh, these are gooood.  If you are going to spend the money, why not spend it on  a gift that will last for months?

Beer of the Month Club
Bacon of the Month Club
Steak of the Month
Exotic Meats of the Month
Beef Jerky of the Month

And NEVER underestimate the power of a gift that comes in a crate!   Crow bar included.

Totally Manly Suggestion #3:
Manual Labor 

Wash and Detail his Vehicle (or arrange for someone else to)
Yard Work
Massage him
Organize his tools (be careful, he may have a system in place)

 This is a cool idea on how to keep tools organized
(Pink will not be tolerated though)

Totally Manly Suggestion #4:
Educate Him On the Ways of Manly

Good Reads:

All of the above books can be found at

Totally Manly Suggestion #5:
The Ultimate Experience 
AKA: Man Camp

Performance driving, Grand Prix road racing, formula car racing, cart drifting, and anti kidnapping courses.  These classes really do exist at:

Send him to BBQ Camp hosted by Steven Raichlen, author of The Barbeque Bible, Primal Grill, and Barbeque University.

After completing the 3-28 day course at the Boulder Outdoor Survival School, he'll be ready for anything.

Surfing and Kiteboarding.  Gnarly.

ATV, Jeep, Hummer, Snowmobile, Water Rafting, Zip Line and Mountain bike Tours!

I hope you can handle all of the Manliness that just took place.  
Here are some cupcakes to look at.


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